Audrey Grunst
, LCSW, told parents to back off with the constant command to kids: “Do your best,” during a
CATCH Keynote Event
,
“Practicing Failure: A Guide for Parents to Help Teens Fail with Purpose.”
Grunst began her Thursday night presentation at the Northbrook Public Library acknowledging that we live in an achievement-oriented community where she says many decisions are based on fear: the fear of rejection, the fear of private failure, and the fear of lost opportunity. She says decisions based on fear rather than values can increase perfectionism and anxiety. Mix in the focus on performance, and, oftentimes, kids are left with a recipe for disaster.
So what can parents do to help their children?
- View and label failure as an opportunity for growth and resilience.
- Be a good role model. Let your kids hear you acknowledge your own failures/opportunities when you say, “I’m sorry.”
- Teach children to deal with failure by recovering one step at a time. It may feel impossible to raise a 60% in math to a 95%, but perhaps your child can figure out how to get to 61%.
- Focus on values rather than goals.
Overall, Grunst encourages everyone to accept that it’s unrealistic for anyone to do their best 100% of the times. Sometimes, good enough is good enough. It builds resilience and encourages a growth mindset.
If you’d like to hear more from Audrey Grunst, check out her next event:
