by Julie Freedman-Smith of Parenting Power
Has the pandemic turned you into the teacher from 'Charlie Brown?'
Are you the voice that can be heard in the background saying lots of something but nothing actually worth listening to? Does even the dog walk away while you are talking?
It may be because while you are with your kids so much, you are saying the same things over and over again and no one really feels that they have to listen to you.
Let's face it, when you have something to say that is really important, you'll make sure they hear it. You will use some way to grab their attention, or grab them. Yelling, getting in their faces, crying, punishment, all of those methods tell kids that this is the time to listen.
But why do they make you yell at them? Didn't they hear you the other 7 times you said it calmly? They did not.
They have learned to ignore you until the one time it matters.
Get them to listen the first time.
When you are about to nag, stop. AID them to listen:
A = Attention. Go to the child and get his attention before you say anything.
I = Instruction. Give your instruction clearly.
D = Direct. If the child doesn't do it, direct the child to do it now.
"Are you going to do this with my help or without?"
"Looks like you need my help to make this happen - let's go."
Catch yourself before it happens
Before you start to yell an instruction from another room, or say it for the 4th or 5th time, stop. Go to the child, be sure that you have her attention and then say what needs to happen and require it to happen.
Use pre-planned times to give clear instructions
Perhaps you will share your clear instructions and plan it out during the family meeting. Perhaps it will be at the start of the day when you are reviewing the plan for the day. Make a time for it to happen and only give instructions which are important and worth holding kids accountable to complete
This week, ask yourself these questions:
- What am I nagging about daily?
- Is it actually something important?
- How, when and where can I communicate it clearly once and then hold my child accountable?
