There’s no right way to grieve, but there are ways to support the grieving process.
Mindfulness as a practice, paying attention to what’s happening as it’s happening, is actually really helpful inside of grief. It’s important to remember grief is normal and natural. The goal in using mindfulness while grieving is to survive, to manage it, to cope with it, but not to fix it. While there’s nothing wrong with being positive, it’s crucial to not rush past or push aside difficult emotions in the healing process.
The most common misunderstanding about grief is the belief that it’s a problem. We should look at grief as something to be tended and respected instead of a problem to be solved.
Because mindfulness is all about being with whatever comes up — good or bad — it makes an ideal companion for healthy grieving.
The following science backs this up:
A 2017 study found that 15 grief group facilitators who received mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) training were more effective in their roles, leading to an increase in program quality, teamwork, mutual respect, and a shared experience of compassion.
In a 2019 study of family members caring for a loved one with dementia, researchers found a strong inverse relationship between caregiver grief and mindfulness. Results were measured by questionnaires and fMRI data gathered from 19 participants.
Researchers noted that mindfulness therapies may be specifically effective at helping family members process the drawn out grief that comes from caring for a loved one in mental decline.
When approached in a healthy way, mindfulness can help you cope with loss and grief with grace, acceptance, and surrender. Simply knowing that it’s OK to feel whatever you are feeling is the first step.
The concept of meditation is similar to the concept of exercise: There are countless ways to do both. Exercise can be a gentle walk or rock climbing, Zumba, or swimming, and there are countless ways to meditate, too. You can simply take a deep breath and focus on the present moment, cultivate a sense of gratitude in your body, or focus on a word that gives you a break from thinking.
Physical exercise strengthens your body. Meditation - mental exercise - strengthens your brain. When you meditate you choose where to direct your attention, rather than let your imagination run all over the place. This is why meditation is a lot like exercise! It requires training and practice. And even the best athletes don't stop working out. In fact, many have personal trainers.
So if you are new to meditation, do not get discouraged. It is not uncommon for new meditators to think they are not "good" at meditating, or say they have tried it before and feel they are doing it all wrong.
There is no such thing as a good or bad meditator. There are people who meditate. There are people who do not. The act of attempting to control your mind leads to amazing results. Even if you are distracted most of the time!
If you are ready to experience the benefits of a meditation practice, start with guided meditation, where a teacher leads you through the practice. If you are feeling restless, you may also find it helpful to try some meditation in motion, such as yoga or tai chi.
There are many videos and apps available for you to try.
Here is a 10-minute guided meditation to try.
And here is one with relaxing music.
