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Generosity of time, energy, spirit, and talent is a good thing. Most of us have a sincere desire to contribute to others. Saying “Yes" when asked to do something is helpful, and moves things forward.
However, overcommitment can easily have negative effects. Overcommitment can throw your life out of balance, and putting yourself last can cause resentment, overwhelm and energy depletion. Putting your hand up for too many things can cause you to not-deliver on time and therefore erode trust.
To be sure you are saying YES for the right reasons, and in a sustainable way that will serve you and others the most, ask yourself the following 7 questions before saying Yes!
7 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Saying Yes!
1/ DO I WANT TO DO THIS?
Are you saying YES to something freely because you want to? If the answer is yes, and you can say YES to #2, then go ahead! However, if that “should” word rang true – you don’t really want to do it but think you “should” – know that giving only out of a sense of obligation can do a huge disservice to yourself and others. There is lots of negative energy in a “should” motivation that will impact both you and the thing you are saying “yes” to.
2/ DO I HAVE TIME TO DO THIS AND MEET THE REQUIRED DEADLINE?
Setting clear time boundaries for your life garners respect. Upholding your boundaries puts you in the driver's seat and lets you control your destiny. Honoring your personal boundaries is a strong message that you are valuing yourself. Though you might feel like a hero for volunteering for one more task, if you are over-committed chances are you won’t execute on time. When you don’t deliver, you let people down, projects are delayed, and trust is eroded.
3/ AM I ONLY SAYING YES BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE PUT UP THEIR HAND?
Oh – I know – it is uncomfortable when there’s awkward silence after someone asks the group for a volunteer. But why are you the one jumping in when no one else does? Are you sure that #1 and #2 are being answered? If not, why are you taking on the responsibility for the group?
4/ WILL SAYING YES BE AT THE EXPENSE OF MYSELF?
Think about what saying YES will mean for you. Overcommitting and allowing the needs of everyone else to take priority may leave you with no time or space to take care of yourself. You can become resentful, overwhelmed, or burnt out when your needs are not being met.
Remember - like the oxygen mask on the plane, where we are instructed to put the mask on ourselves before we help other people - if we are not breathing, we won't be able to help anyone. In other words - take care of yourself and you will be able to help and take care of others even more fully.
5/ COULD I SUPPORT SOMEONE ELSE’S GROWTH OR LEARNING BY ENCOURAGING THEM TO DO IT?
There is a saying – if you want something done, ask a busy person. I call this the “curse of the capable”. Yet every time you take on something else just because you “can” do it, it takes away a learning opportunity or a life experience for someone else. Over-giving can disempower others by not giving them the opportunity and encouragement to step up and take charge.
6/ AM I SAYING YES ONLY BECAUSE I AM FLATTERED TO HAVE BEEN ASKED?
Whoa! Your ego is driving the bus on this one. It is flattering being asked to do things – and- just because we CAN do it, doesn’t mean we SHOULD. Holding others capable instead will be a big relief – and take you off the hook and help others learn at the same time.
7/ AM I SAYING YES BECAUSE I HOPE/EXPECT TO GET SOMETHING BACK?
Giving with an expectation of attachment is ALWAYS the wrong reason to give. Instead, feel the liberation of giving freely.
photo credit: Jan Carley "Quiet moment in the City"
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