NO. 018 - The One Where I'm Single. Busy & Fulfilled. Go Figure.

I WAS THINKING: Maybe Balance Is the Wrong Goal

Throughout my adult life, there’s one question I’ve gotten with remarkable consistency:

“So… when are you getting married?”

It usually surfaces after I’ve shared some ridiculous story from a work adventure. Or returned from some far-flung trip. Or shown up late to dinner after a day that somehow included three meetings, a shoot, and 17,000 steps.

You see, I’ve somehow built a pretty robust life and thriving career as a single dude who has always wanted to be married… but isn’t. This seems to confuse people.

Are you really happy?

Are you fulfilled?

You work too much.

Maybe you don’t make enough room for relationships.

Thank you, TikTok therapists.

As a storyteller, I’m fascinated by the assumptions underneath these questions. Because we love a tidy narrative.

Career goes here. Relationship goes there. Family here. Friends there. Exercise before 8 a.m. Vacation twice a year. Keep everything properly balanced and — voilà! — a fulfilling life.

Except I’m not convinced life works that way.

I’ve never been particularly interested in work/life balance because the phrase itself suggests there are two competing sides of me constantly negotiating for equal time. I’m much more interested in harmony.

Harmony is messier.

It ebbs and flows. It recognizes that a meaningful life might include a strategy session I’m completely consumed by one morning and a music recital for one of my godkids that afternoon.

A 45-minute power walk in the morning. A four-hour client shoot later.

A book that cracks open a new idea. A long dinner that runs way too late because the conversation is too good to leave.

None of those things are interruptions from my life. They are my life.

And that distinction matters.

Harmony doesn’t require every part of your life to receive equal attention every day. It asks whether, over time, the things you value are actually getting enough of you.

That requires freedom, yes. But also discipline.

Knowing when to go all in, when to pull back, what deserves more of you right now — and being willing to change that answer when life changes. Because the goal isn’t to perfectly balance the pieces. It’s to make sure they’re playing the same song.

So yes, I’ve somehow ended up single when I always imagined I’d be building a life with someone by now. Plot twist... that doesn’t make this chapter incomplete.

I’m thriving. I’m fulfilled. I’m curious. I’m building. I’m loving people deeply. And yes, I’m still open to whoever might eventually wander into this slightly chaotic arrangement and decide they like the music.

Applications remain open.

But I’m not putting the rest of my life in the waiting room until then. And maybe that’s the bigger challenge for all of us: Stop measuring your life against how neatly the pieces fit. Instead, ask: Do the things I’m giving myself to actually sound like me?

Because balance might make for a tidy schedule.

Harmony makes for a life.

DID YOU HEAR YOU ABOUT THIS: Lin-Manuel Miranda Isn’t Chasing Balance. He’s Finding the Rhythm.

You know Lin-Manuel Miranda: Hamilton. In the Heights. Moana. Actor. Writer. Composer. Director. Producer. Husband. Dad.

The man has a few things going on.

Which is why I was struck by a conversation he had with organizational psychologist Adam Grant about that sacred modern obsession known as work/life balance.

Grant offered a different metaphor: maybe what we’re actually looking for isn’t balance at all. Maybe it’s rhythm. Different beats — work, family, friends, health, creativity —getting different emphasis at different moments.

Miranda’s response felt remarkably close to how I’ve learned to think about harmony. For him, the ratio changes.

Some days are packed with creative work. Other days, he said, the only real things on his schedule might be picking up his kids and tucking them in. But even then, his creative mind is wandering—daydreaming about a song or wrestling with the next problem. He actually argues that the daydreaming is essential to the work. 


That’s the part I love.

He’s not drawing some giant Sharpie line down the middle of his life and labeling one side WORK and the other LIFE. It’s all life. And different parts get louder at different times. 

Miranda has acknowledged that he struggles with the tension like everyone else. But he’s also said something I think matters: he can’t control whether a creative endeavor ultimately succeeds or fails, so he tries to learn from the experience while also being a good husband, father, and son.

That’s harmony.

Not giving everything equal time. Giving the right things your full presence when their moment comes. Maybe we’ve spent too much energy trying to keep our lives perfectly balanced. A great life isn’t a scale. It’s a song. The trick is learning when to let each part take the lead.

WORTH CHECKING OUT: If you’re reconsidering this whole work/life balance thing, here are a few things that might help you find a better rhythm.

🎬 TV — The Bear (streaming on Hulu)

Yes, chef. On the surface, it’s about food, ambition, and building something extraordinary. But underneath all that kitchen chaos, The Bear keeps asking a much harder question: What happens when the thing you love doing starts consuming everything else you love? The main protagonist Carmy’s problem isn’t a lack of passion. It’s that he hasn’t figured out how to let ambition, relationships, family, joy, and identity coexist. In fact, the series has increasingly interrogated the cost of defining ourselves almost entirely through our work. 

It’s basically the anti-harmony cautionary tale. (And because it’s Chicago, and the final episode dropped this summer, I am contractually obligated to recommend it.)

🎶 Music — Big Sean, “Blessings”

This one brings a different energy. Ambitious? Absolutely. Hungry? Yep. But the whole posture is rooted in recognizing what’s already present while still wanting more. That feels important here. Harmony isn’t about killing ambition. It’s about making sure ambition doesn’t make you blind to the life you already have.

📘 Book — Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman

A time-management book that basically tells time-management culture to calm down. Burkeman’s argument is wonderfully liberating: you will never get everything done, optimize every corner of your existence, or achieve perfect control — so stop trying. Choose what matters and give yourself to it. That feels a lot more like harmony to me. 

🎙️ Podcast — The Ampersand Manifesto

Jessica Wan talks with people who refuse to be defined by one lane — medicine and dance, technology and art, career and calling. The premise: maybe having multiple passions isn’t a problem requiring better balance. Maybe the ampersand is the point. (Trying to get booked on this one. Stay tuned.)

📝 Try This — The Harmony Audit

Forget the pie chart where work gets 25%, relationships get 25%, health gets 25%, and apparently sleep gets whatever crumbs remain.

Instead, write down the five things that matter most to you right now. Then ask: Am I giving each of these enough of myself to feel alive?

Not equal time. Not perfect balance. Enough.

Because maybe a fulfilling life isn’t about keeping everything level.

It’s knowing what deserves to get louder—and when.

AND DON'T FORGET... Your life doesn’t need to look balanced to be full.

Some seasons will demand more work. Others more rest, family, creativity, adventure — or whatever else makes you feel most alive. The goal isn’t keeping everything perfectly level.

It’s knowing what matters, being present when it matters, and making sure no single part of your life gets to become the whole damn story.

Find your rhythm.

Protect what matters.

Let the volume shift.

That’s harmony.

And since I’m apparently still shamelessly peddling this thing…

SPARKED: Rebellious Leadership Beyond the Ordinary, is available now on Amazon.

Already bought it? Bless you. You’re my favorite.

Maybe you or someone you know needs to bring the live version to your organization, conference, or campus. I’m currently booking speaking dates for fall and spring around leadership, storytelling, creativity, and challenging the comfortable.

Buy the book.

Book the speaker.

Tell a friend.

Look at me creating harmony between all my endeavors. 😉