40 Days of Resolution at Home

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40 Days of Conflict Resolution

Tips for Home by Sara Barnes

Day 4: ANALYZE CONFLICT

An activity!

Pick a conflict that has you stumped

and...

work your way through the

Conflict Analysis Checklist below:

The idea of the checklist is to help formulate

new ways of handling conflict.

Conflict Analysis Checklist:

Step One.

Begin by figuring out what happened.

What is the story?
What is the backstory?
Where are things now?
What would the other person say to this question?

Step Two.

Try to remove your initial bias, judgments or assumptions.

Open up to the possibility that your first reaction might be entirely wrong.
Are you biased? If so, toward or against what?
Have you already made a judgment? If so, can you put your judgment aside?
What are your assumptions? Can you put your assumptions aside?

Step Three.

Define the conflict topics.

For you -- The conflict is about...
For the other person -- The conflict is about…

Step Four.

Identify the conflict trigger.

What was the conflict trigger, aka the moment you knew this conflict matters to you?

Step Five.

Figure out each person's goals.

My goals in this conflict are...
The other person's goals in this conflict are...

Step Six.

Look at the conflict through three lenses.

(1) This conflict is related to my needs in the following way(s)...
(2) This conflict is related to my values in the following way(s)...
(3) This conflict is related to my self-identity in the following way(s)...
Then try to apply all three lenses for the other person.

Step Seven.

Consider the power relationship at play.

My power base in this conflict comes from...
My lack of power in this conflict is related to...
Power for the other person is connected to...

Step Eight.

Formulate your theory about why this conflict is happening.

I think this conflict is happening because…

You may be saying, OK now what is the answer? You have to decide for yourself. The 8 steps of conflict analysis are designed to help you to explore ways that go beyond quick assumptions and snapshot thinking.

Sometimes this process needs some time to marinate. You might want to put it aside for a day or two. Then pull it out again and see if anything has shifted in your thinking. One interesting approach is to do this before bed. The sleep on it lore has real merit. Your brain keeps functioning during sleep, and you might wake up with a new perspective and a clearer path toward resolution.

Conflict analysis helps you with thinking about your own approach and opening up new ways of looking at a conflict that has stumped you. You can resolve your conflicts, tomorrow we'll have some suggestions about how to get started.

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