Recovering People Pleaser

Progress, Peace, and a Few Holy Pauses

March 1, 2026

People pleasing has always been part of my DNA (are you feeling seen?). If there were a merit badge for “Most Likely to Keep the Peace While Losing Her Mind,” I’d have earned it by age seven. Growing up in Bugtussle, Kentucky, I didn’t ask myself, “Who should I please?” The answer was clear: EVERYBODY.

My parents topped the list, followed closely by teachers, cousins, and anybody in a five-mile radius who might possibly form an opinion. I lived with one guiding belief: If they ain’t happy, I ain’t okay.

Now, I’m not especially proud of all that, but I am proud of telling the truth. And the truth is, when you grow up in a family that is rooted in “who’s the matter with you,” and looking for me being the one who smooths things over — well, people-pleasing becomes a spiritual practice. A misguided spiritual practice, but a practice nonetheless.

I became a gold-medal pleaser. Maybe that even nudged me toward ministry and helping work. “I can help people! I can change the world! I can make everyone happy!” (Insert laugh track here.)



"You can’t please everyone so you gotta please yourself."

— Ricky Nelson

Spoiler alert:

Trying to make the whole world happy is a full-time job with no benefits and infinite hours.

As I aged, prayed, meditated, healed, cried, surrendered, and occasionally threw myself a private pity party, I realized something important:

People-pleasing is just fear in a nice outfit. And I FEAR that if I say no, the world might collapse or someone may stop liking me.

I finally learned — slowly, reluctantly, and with divine intervention — that pleasing everybody is a spiritual impossibility. Even Jesus didn’t pull that off. Why would I try? Keep trying?

So I’ve begun what I call my Recovering People Pleaser Journey, and the progress is real. Not perfect. Not linear. But real.

And because I know I’m not the only graduate of the People Pleasing Seminary, I want to offer you a few tips from the road — some spiritual, some practical, and some with enough humor to keep it interesting.



"It’s not your job to like me; it’s mine."

— Byron Katie

Tip #1: Notice the “Inner Yes Machine.”

You know the one. The part of you that blurts out “Sure!” even when your whole body is screaming, “Sweet Jesus, no!”

These days, I practice a new rule:

“If I can’t check in with myself, I can’t check yes.”

I pause.

I breathe.

I feel my feet.

And I ask my inner wisdom, “Is this mine to do?”

Tip #2: Bless the Disappointment.

This one is hard. Former people pleasers can feel disappointment in the air before it even arrives—like a storm front.

But I’ve learned something beautiful from years of spiritual work:

When someone is disappointed, and you remain grounded, you’re not failing them — you’re finally respecting yourself.

Sometimes I whisper, “Of course you’re disappointed. Bless your disappointment,” as a sacred act. It’s not sarcastic. It’s soft, tender, and incredibly freeing.

Their emotion is theirs to handle. My serenity is mine to protect.

"If you live for people’s approval, you will die from their rejection." 

— Lecrae 

Tip #3: Ask Yourself the Two Golden Questions.

These two questions changed my life:

1. What’s truly important to me?
2. Does this decision honor that?”

If the answer is yes, I move forward.

If the answer is no, I take a holy pause—and likely choose differently.



Tip #4: Practice Holy No(s).

A “Holy No” is a no with love, clarity, and no extra words.

Not:

• “I’m so sorry but…”
• “I wish I could…”
• “If I weren’t such a terrible person, I would…”

Nope.

A Holy No sounds like:

• “No, and thank you for asking.
• “This isn’t mine to do.”
• “I love you, and I’m not available for that.”
• “I am worried about upsetting you, and the honest answer is no.”

Short. Sweet. Sacred.

And here’s the miracle:

Every time I say a Holy No, the sky does not fall. Not once.

Tip #5: Befriend the Discomfort.

People pleasing isn’t about kindness—it’s about avoiding discomfort.

But discomfort won’t kill us. In fact, discomfort is the doorway to authenticity.

So now, when I feel that anxious flutter — the one that says, “Fix it! Make them happy! Do something!” — I pause and breathe.

Then I tell myself: “Sweetheart, you can survive this feeling.” It’s uncomfortable, not fatal. 

Turns out I can. Turns out you can too. Every time. 



"Never seek to please anyone. Seek to evolve thyself." 

— Lailah Gifty Akita

Tip #6: Humor is a Healing Balm.

When I catch myself sliding back into people pleasing, I try to laugh.

“Oh look,” I’ll say, “there goes Martha, pleasing folks who didn’t even ask to be pleased, and thinking she can.”

Humor breaks the spell. It helps the ego loosen its grip. It turns judgment into gentleness.



Tip #7: Don’t Confuse Peacekeeping with Peace.

Peacekeeping is:

“I’ll contort myself into a pretzel so no one gets upset.”

Peace is:

“I’ll stay in integrity even if someone gets upset.”

One drains the soul. The other nourishes it.

I used to think conflict was a sign I’d done something wrong. Now I know conflict is just life happening. Growth happening. Truth showing up for its appointment.



Tip #8: Trust That Others Can Handle Their Own Journey

Former people pleasers think they’re helping others by cushioning their feelings.

But here’s the truth: Other adults have the right to their reactions. We do not need to manage them.

My spiritual work taught me this:

Trying to protect someone from their own feelings is actually a form of disrespect.

We are all capable.

We are all resilient.

We all get to have our experiences.

I don’t have to fix, soften, translate, or over-function. Glory Be!

"No is a complete sentence." 

— Anne Lamott

Tip #9: Let Your Own Life Please You First.

This may be the biggest lesson.

I used to wake up wondering:

“Who needs me today?

Who might be upset?

Who do I need to check on?”

Now, most days, I wake up and ask:

“What would make my life more meaningful today?”

“Where is my joy calling me?”

“Who will I serve today?”

“How can I live aligned with Spirit?”

When my life pleases me first, I am more generous, more loving, more grounded, more compassionate. Therefore, happier, saner, more sensible, and calm.

People pleasing drains. Authentic living radiates.

Tip #10: Celebrate Every Inch of Progress.

Healing people pleasing doesn’t happen in one dramatic moment. It happens in tiny, holy choices:

• One honest no.
• One breath before responding.
• One boundary upheld.
• One moment of choosing truth over comfort.
• One day without apologizing for existing.

Progress is progress. Celebrate it.

"Spare me from the delusion that pleasing people is possible." 

— Martha Creek

Here’s the good news:

The more we heal this pattern, the more spacious life becomes. The more peaceful. The more honest. The more joyful.

This path isn’t about becoming hard or uncaring.It’s about becoming True. So keep going. Keep breathing. Keep choosing yourself and your integrity.

And may you be pleasantly surprised at how beautifully the world keeps spinning without your constant managing. Imagine my surprise. 

Big love,

Martha Creek

502-905-0783

marthacreek.com



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