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In my work in helping people to master themselves and energize their health, I find that folks desiring habit change typically experience one or more scenarios, as follows.
There's been a pattern of undesirable addictive or conditioned behavior that they want to change. Examples inlcude:
- overuse of social media,
- over streaming or TV watching,
- over eating, drinking or smoking,
- short-changing their sleep,
- over working and overdoing,
- impatience with a loved one, friend, or coworker (or themselves) and lashing out,
- overfilling their calendar,
- always saying yes to others and rarely saying yes to themselves,
- procrastinating on or distracting from what they know would benefit their well-being
In an attempt to change their conduct and outcomes, often one will create rules for desired habit shifts. This could involve limiting device use to so many hours, curtailing late eating times or nighttime snacks, working out certain days or times of the week, minimzing the external yesses and increasing the nos. This kind of structure may work for some, but others may feel defeated and discouraged when defining such rules and then ultimately not meeting them.
A possible alternative is releasing the rules.
In taking this path, the idea is to not to throw caution to the wind, but to intentionally use curiosity and witness our behavior with compassion.
From a nervous system perspective, "what's driving our behavior is state determined, not cognitive," says clinical psychologist Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein.
If we notice (a) an undesirable habit we're doing or about to do (or a helpful action we're delaying) AND (b) our current state - regulated, dysregulated in flight or flight, or dysregulated in freeze/shut down - we can then:
- look with wonder at what we're gaining from the unwanted habit (i.e., what's the reward), and
- identify what resources are currently available to us in our current state.
This helps increase awareness of what's calling to be tended in this moment. If we're in a dysregulated state, asking ourselves what will help us feel even 10% more regulated. Choosing the assets we can use for our betterment now.
From this conscious and holistic place, there's insight: recognizing our feelings, emotions and energy, what we feel connected to or disconnected from, and allowing and accepting it all with love and care. It's all welcome.
What might be the impact of being a compassionate observer instead of a punitive judger and militant rule maker?
How could this expand your perception of possibilities and what will best serve you and your well-being?
What may you discover?
There's freedom here ... will you play?
Want support in this approach? I can help - I'd love the opportunity to be your collaborator and thinking partner! Email me at chris@prioritywellness.com to request a complimentary jump start call to get you into action.
Image by Semin Paek from Pixabay
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