Caregiving: A Love Story with Plot Twists
If caregiving were a book, it would be part love story, part mystery novel… and definitely not one you could make up.
By: Jessica Evans, BCSSI Director of Outreach/Caregiver Support
Chapter 1: Love in the Little Things
February is the month of hearts, flowers, and grand gestures of love. But if you’re a caregiver, you already know love doesn’t always look like a bouquet.
I’m caring for my 85-year-old mom who still lives alone in her home. She has mild cognitive decline, & is a fall risk, so on paper I manage finances, appointments, medications, errands, and meal prep just to name a few.
In real life? I’m basically her project manager, part-time therapist, and full-time detective.
And if I’m being honest… I’m a reluctant caregiver. I love my mom, but I won’t pretend this is easy.
Caregiver love doesn’t show up as Valentine’s chocolates. It shows up as making the appointments, remembering the details, and doing the things that keep someone safe—even when they don’t understand why you’re doing them. It’s not glamorous love—but it’s the love that gets things done. It’s consistent. It holds steady.
After 41 years of marriage, I’ve learned love isn’t always a grand gesture—it’s showing up. Caregiving just adds a few more chapters to that lesson.
Chapter 2: The Case of the Missing Meds
I had the storyline written out…and my mom became the editor without my permission. She’s a retired librarian and lifelong bookworm, so honestly, I should’ve seen it coming.
I organize and dispense her medications, but I keep them tucked away so she won’t accidentally take them twice. I thought I was being smart… until she found them and decided they needed to be hidden somewhere even safer. Now we’re both searching the house like Nancy Drew, and the medications are still winning after 3 months. Caregiving will humble you fast—and honestly, you couldn’t write this stuff… unless you shelved it in the fiction section at the library.
And it’s not just the medication chapter. It’s the meals too. I’ll cook something she used to love—only to hear she doesn’t like it anymore. Or I’ll try to handle something “the right way,” only to be told I’m too bossy… and that I’m being too protective—when really I’m just trying to keep her safe. Caregiving is basically a love plot twist—new chapters, new characters, and a story you didn’t see coming.
What people don’t always understand is I’m not trying to control her—I’m trying to keep her safe. But caregiving has a funny way of making you the villain of the story, even when you’re the one holding everything together.
Chapter 3: Caregiver Love Languages (Real-Life Edition)
Forget flowers. Here’s what love looks like in caregiving:
💗 Acts of Service: “I scheduled it, drove you there, waited through the appointment… and still managed the grocery run.”
💗 Quality Time: “We watched the same show again because it feels familiar.”
💗 Words of Affirmation: “You’re doing great,” even when you’re both frustrated.
💗 Physical Touch: “I helped you stand up… and now my back needs its own caregiver.”
💗 Gifts: “I picked up your favorite snack… even though you ‘don’t like it anymore’ this week.”
Chapter 4: What Romance Novels Leave Out
Caregivers understand love isn’t one big moment—it’s a thousand small moments on repeat.
It’s explaining. Redirecting. Reassuring. Repeating.
It’s being called bossy when you’re trying to prevent a fall.
It’s being told you’re “too much” while you’re quietly carrying the mental load.
It’s doing what needs to be done… and still showing up the next day.
This is the part nobody puts in a romance novel—or on a Valentine’s card for that matter.
Chapter 5: The Grace Chapter
This February, the most loving thing you can do might not be for anyone else.
It might be giving yourself a little grace.
Not a big overhaul—just one small act that reminds you you’re a person too:
- five minutes sitting in the car before going back inside
- a walk, a phone call, a laugh
- saying “no” to one thing you don’t have the energy to carry
- asking for help without feeling like you need to justify it
- savoring a piece of chocolate—because it’s Valentine’s Day, and you deserve it!
Caregivers give love constantly. You deserve some of it back, even if it starts with you.
And if you’re wondering what you’d actually love for Valentine’s Day? It doesn’t need to be fancy—although if someone wants to gift us a spa day, we're going to take it!
Chapter 6: The Chapter We Keep Writing
Caregiving is hard. It’s messy. It’s humbling. It’s unpredictable. And it’s full of moments that are frustrating, funny, and sometimes ridiculous.
But in all of that, love still shows up—not in grand gestures, but in the daily choice to keep showing up.
So this month and every month, celebrate the small wins. Laugh when you can. Rest without guilt. And remember love in caregiving often looks like the little things… and occasionally like a Nancy Drew mystery you didn’t sign up for.
Until the next chapter,
Jessica
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