• speaking from personal experience
• listening with resilience and curiosity across different beliefs, experiences and identities
• building connection and understanding
• supporting intentional communication using skills of active listening and inquiry. 

• debate around policy or theory unrelated to personal experience
• assumptions that other people or the discussions themselves are polarized or without complexity
• experiences of feeling attacked, defensive or unable to share perspectives
• unproductive, vicious cycles around contentious topics

• To “pass” or “pass for now” if we are not ready or do not wish to respond

• To speak one at a time and not engage in side conversations 

• To “move up” (if we tend to be shy or quiet) and “move back” (if sharing comes easily to us)

• To respect time frames for speaking

• To make ‘I’ statements and speak only for ourselves (or specify if attempting to represent sentiments or experiences held largely in common by a group)

• To check out our assumptions by asking questions (relying especially on “SAVE - Stories, Actions, Values, Emotions,” and, in particular, deepening our understanding of others’ values and emotions as they relate to a certain experience)

• To speak in ways that promote connection and learning

• To maintain confidentiality

• To name and repair harm when it occurs (because it will occur, possibly in each and every meeting, and our practice of “calling in” and repairing it is what will allow us to create a healthy, caring, and pluralistic community)

• What happened? (For the person being challenged: What were you thinking about at the time? What have you thought about since? For the person/s affected: What were you thinking when you realized what had happened? 

•  What was the impact of what was done/said? (For the person being challenged: Who has been affected by what you have done, and how? For the person/s affected: What impact has this had on you? What has been the hardest thing?

• What do you think needs to happen to make this right? (For both the person being challenged and the person/s affected.)

• An extra effort is made by others to include or bring us into the fold–sometimes it only takes one person
• A community or group as a whole (school system, neighborhood, etc.) has been welcoming to me or my group
• As a Black child, in the midst of all you’re exposed to, my family and the larger Black Needham community offered a soft place to land
• Neighbors are involved in each other’s lives, like extended family
• Attending a community event, like a vigil, parade, or festival
• Residents and community officials (town, faith, or other) partner towards common goals such that issues of rank or status become secondary
• Specific behaviors of inclusion are undertaken (e.g., gift giving, asking questions, approaching, emotionally connecting)
• I make an effort to reach out, or join a group, and in turn welcome others
• There is an experience of being a part of a diverse group
• I interact with objects/people/things of warmth (pets, toys, connecting activities like block parties)

• I’ve been seen ONLY as a group member and not as a person, whether the group membership is “Black,” “Quaker,” “elderly,” “disabled,” or “police officer”.
• I am the target OR observer of social media posts used to disparage, insult or express hate (e.g., racial slurs, language around the recent Presidential election).
• We realized there are cliques centered around how long one has lived here, e.g., “we old-timers belong here, but new people don’t.” This dynamic is exacerbated by the fact that more recent newcomers to Needham tend to be more diverse.
• Communications by the majority exclude me or my identity group/s.
• I’ve worked on uncovering the history of bias, hate, or displacement in Needham (e.g., in terms of slavery, redlining, etc.) and the discomfort this work caused led to public upset, denial and reprimand. 
• The NRN examined the results of its member survey and realized that non-White participants did not feel an overall sense of belonging in Needham. It made the belonging some felt before–and took for granted as a community-wide experience–feel diminished. 
• Covid-related disparities surfaced and expanded in Needham.

• Introduce their subnetworks to the NRN and begin to collect stories and reflections on lived experiences in Needham. These critical, anonymous narratives will be brought back to NRN for discussion and consideration of action. 

• Witness and be ambassadors for our ‘coming out’ via social media, the NRN Website and a press release via local news.  

• Take part in the creative process of developing an information NRN video. 

• Watch Joe Bubman, Executive Director of Urban Rural Action, in a short video describing the work of Urban Rural Action, highlighting the experience of folks in Maryland coming together from different ideological perspectives to tackle issues of immigration, economic development, and inclusion with practical local solutions for their state.

• Watch Study Looks to Strengthen How We Feel About Democracy. Stanford University’s Robb Willer is interviewed on MSNBC to discuss their new study on reducing toxic polarization and reducing Americans’ anti-democratic attitudes. An overview of the study was also summarized by Fast Company or you can read the full report: Strengthening Democracy Challenge.

• Watch Faith and Polarization. Vice President for Programs at One America Movement, Chandra DeNap Whetstine gave an inspiring talk at Stand Together’s Catalyst Summit describing their approach to combating toxic polarization, working with faith communities across the U.S.

• Watch Targeted Universalism, john a. powell. Targeted Universalism--introduced by Berkeley professor john a. powell of the Othering and Belonging Institute--sets universal goals for the general population that are accomplished through targeted approaches based on the needs of different groups.

• Read Surviving Polarization, by Adrian Rutt. This is an overview of several different takes on polarization. One powerful insight: “…we are all bundles of contradictions, whatever else we like to think about our expressed beliefs and their consistency and cogency…It is not the case that we possess rigorously formulated ‘belief systems’, which stamp out our thoughts and reactions in a fully determinable way. People alter their reactions and expressions to cope with the particularities of the situation they find themselves in.”

• Listen to Power Building with Alicia Garza, Finding Our Way Podcast. In this episode, author, political strategist, and organizer Alicia Garza, breaks down what power is, how we build it and why we need it in order to build a more equitable society.

• Listen to The Power of Crisis, Future Hindsight Podcast. This interview discusses The Power of Crisis: How Three Threats – and Our Response – Will Change The World, a new book by Ian Bremmer which posits that the climate crisis, disruptive technologies, and pandemics are existential threats to humanity, but also offer an opportunity for real cooperation across the world.
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• Listen to Journeying on the Road to Reconciliation, ThinkPeace Podcast. “Going down the road of reconciliation is a daunting path that not many people can take. This road may test you in ways you couldn't imagine but when the end result leads to tangible and sustainable change, you realize that the journey is worth it.” Director of the Mary Hoch Center for Reconciliation, Antti Pentikainen discusses his journey into reconciliation, his experiences working in different contexts, and what have been the most effective methods in working towards reconciliation.

• Read The Sum of Us, by Heather McGee. McGHee’s book is an invitation to consider letting go of this country’s ‘zero sum game’ lens where one group has to be depleted and disempowered for another to be strengthened; instead we can be richer, and stronger together. Wealth and impoverishment, Education and Healthcare. Climate and Housing are viewed through the lens of race, with the suggestion that the pooling versus division of resources can enrich us all.  

• Watch john a. powell introduce the concepts of Belonging & Othering, Bridging and Breaking. 

• Suzie Wise has a fabulous book on belonging, replete with ideas and exercises for local application. Check out Design for Belonging.

• Google found the secret to successful teams (and communities): psychological safety. Psychological safety is a synonym for belonging.