Greetings!
To say that we are in tough times is a gross understatement. Between the pandemic, economic turmoil, racial inequality, and social distancing, this has been the toughest year I've ever seen.
Professionally and personally, people often ask me:
"My friend/family member is struggling, but they kind of shut down. I want to be a support; How do I even begin to start a conversation?"
Here are some questions to help you initiate a conversation focused on their experience and needs.
- I can tell you are stressed/upset/withdrawn. What's going on?
- Are others involved? Tell me about them.
- Is there anything else important that you may not have felt comfortable mentioning?
- How are you feeling about all of this? If you had to name three emotions, which would they be?
- Is this stress/dynamic/situation having an impact in other parts of your life? Tell me more about that.
- Is there an identity (or more than one) that is important to you that has made this more difficult? (Think of identity broadly. We're not just talking about gender/race/LGBTQ/nationality. We're also talking about identities as parents, political affiliations, and other interests that are important to us.)
- Could you share more about that?
- How does it influence what you're going through?
- What has been the impact on you?
- If you could snap your fingers and be in a different situation, what would that look like?
- Generally, what do you need?
- Specifically, what could the people in your life do to support you?
These questions are not exhaustive, but they will get you started. Remember that you don't have to solve any problems. Just be present, curious, listen, and reflect.
