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My 6th grade teacher made a few profound comments that have stayed with me for all of my life. One of them was "True friends are rare. If you can count them on one hand over the course of your life, you are very fortunate."
I realized the wisdom of Mr Coates' words even back then.. I noticed the different between what I came to call "small f friends" who may be there for a reason or a season, and "capital F friends," with whom I could go deeper, be vulnerable and most joyful with and who I knew were around for a lifetime.
Yesterday morning, I learned that one of my very special, "capital F friends," John Balding, had passed on October 5, 2026. And it was through the grace of God that I was even able to get this information. John and I talked on the phone (novel concept in the 2020's) quite often once he moved to Florida from Boston. And when I took my daily walks during the pandemic (the gym was closed), John and I often shared conversation.
The last time I spoke with him was in late May 2025. And when I had not heard from him in 2 weeks, I wondered if he was okay. I phoned him and texted him and did not hear back. John was one of those people who ALWAYS responded right away, and I had a sinking feeling in my gut. When I wrote to him by email and on FB messenger and continued to call and text and was repeatedly greeted by silence, I was truly worried. Over many months I did all the internet searching I could to see if I could learn what had happened. Each search came up empty. I did not have contact information for his wife Emerita (they married in August 2024), and had no way to find her.
For 18 months I had thought of John and prayed that I would find a way to make contact. And then a miracle happened. Late Sunday night I discovered that Emerita had looked at my FB story, and the portal opened to find the answers I had been seeking.
Yesterday Emerita and I exchanged a whole bunch of texts, and I learned that John had passed (cardiac arrest) on October 5, 2025. Emerita and John had only been married for 1 year and 2 weeks when he died. My heart broke with tears for Emerita and for myself...and for all the musicians whose lives John had uplifted. And my heart was deeply grateful that I finally knew what had happened and when.
A fellow singer songwriter and song interpreter, who was also kindred in his ability to bring together groups of people and create opportunities for musicians to play and build community, John and I had met when he lived in Boston. When he moved to Florida in 2019, he passed on a Songwriter Concert series he created to me and my fellow singer songwriters Rick Drost and John O'Leary (sadly, now also deceased), and John and I started connecting on the phone rather than over tea and conversation in person. The last time I saw John was in early March 2020, days before the pandemic shut the world down, when he came to Boston to house sit for a friend. I brought him to my friend Mark Bishop Evans' concert North of Boston, as we shared our mutual love of live music.
As John approached his 70th birthday, I wanted to write a very special song for him as a gift. And I did. The lyrics were derived from reflections he shared during our phone conversations during my walks. I will share the song, "Windows And Doors," here, along with another kindred song written when John O'Leary passed.
"Capital F friends" are gold. If you are fortunate enough to have one or more of them over the course of your life, cherish every moment of time you spent with them--in person, on the phone or virtually.
I know now even more deeply than I already knew to love the.people who comprise the fabric of my life, and to let them know I love them as often as possible in as many ways as possible that make them feel loved.
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