Dear Sisters,
For those of you who know my story over the last ten years, the most powerful thread has been authentic community. It’s ironic that my journey began around the time my two best friends moved to opposite ends of the planet.
Within this trio, we mutually shared our first steps into our law careers. We shared pregnancies, birth stories and the delirious joy and exhaustion of the first year of mamahood. As the years moved forward, we walked through infidelity, divorce, economic crisis and all that happens in real life. We spent time together. We believed the best in one another. We grew into our thirties together. And, then, in just a few short months, they both were gone.
Their journeys took them away from me.
I know exactly how my “after they left” journey began. I decided to smile, volunteer, join things and ask questions. Most of these things are against my introverted side. But I had a low-lit fire within me. This had to be done if I was going to pursue new, deep friendships.
I needed community.
Some of you who are reading this are thinking about the close friends you already know and love in an authentic, deep way. Some of you are in transition like I was. Some of you may have many people around you, but transparent and vulnerable are not qualities you have been willing to assign to your friendships.
I’m speaking to all of you.
This weekend, I learned about the 2%. Two percent is the part of your heart, mind or soul that you cannot or will not speak. For me, shame sometimes holds back the 2%.
Have I really gone this far in my life walk and still be in pain over _______________?
Do I still not fully believe God’s love for me?
Am I still afraid of the same things I was afraid of twenty-five years ago or even as a little girl?
In some seasons, you can’t speak the 2% because the pain is too deep or the hurt is too cutting. Sometimes the wound or the fear goes unnamed for so long that is becomes part of your patterns of thinking or believing. You can’t name it because it has become your norm. Sometimes it’s just complicated and words do not appear in the face of this indescribable thing inside of you.
But you know it’s there.
It’s the part of you that you leave out when your friend or mom or sister asks you how you are. It’s the deletion of the last few words of the sentence that will let the other person know the deepest side of yourself. It’s the part that you have decided is too telling about your vulnerabilities and weaknesses. The thought of speaking the 2% is the equivalent of exposure. Even if you generally are not opposed to
open book
living, this is hard.
This is what I know
.
If you are honest with yourself, the 2% is the thing that is holding you back from whatever growth you seek. The 2% is keeping you from walking through the open doors right in front of you. The 2% is keeping you from embracing or embodying or stepping into the fullness of who God created you to be.
Why do I labor here speaking of the 2%?
Seriously, I may even be annoying you.
I want to share with you what I recently experienced.
I was on a weekend getaway to a women’s conference with six other women. We all learned about the 2% (among other things) from one of the speakers. The night before we ventured home to our families and our daily grind, we sat at a table with salad and pizza and agreed to speak our 2%.
It’s my heart to tell you what each woman shared so that you too can have the courage to name the unnamed or unspoken thing within you. It’s also within my heart to know that vulnerability and transparency are earned over coffee and tea, over phone calls and years of building love, confidence and trust.
I won’t be able to hand to you each woman’s 2%.
But I will hand to you the verses that embody each woman’s 2%.
Even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you. Psalm 139:12
For everything there is a season
. Ecclesiastes 3:1
What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined,
what God has prepared for those who love him. 1 Corinthians 2:9
Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. Psalm 63:3
You shall be a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord, and a royal diadem in the hand of your God. Isaiah 62:3
I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, she will bear much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.
John 15:5
Cast all your anxiety on him
because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7
If you are willing to look into your mirror reflection and not forget the image you’ve seen once you turn away, God will lead you to the unnamed thing. God will gently, in His kindness, help you find words for the 2% that reside within you. He will help you speak them in safe places to others who honor, seek and grow within authentic community.
Choose honesty over living under a shadow of yourself.
Choose growth over shame and name the unnamed thing.
Choose courage over stuck and walk through open doors.
You know that I love nothing more than when you reply to me.
If you are in need of a space to speak your 2% in full confidence, please don’t hesitate to
press reply
. I will honor your bravery and believe for you, with all of my heart, that your choice will lead you to newfound freedom.
This is the place that I am currently residing.
I am grateful that darkness and shame lose its grip when authenticity and transparency take the form of light.
I am feeling pretty strongly that there will be a part two of this letter.
For now.
Love,
Sasha
If your helping me keep track . . .
I am challenging myself to speak publicly once a month this year. I have two little gigs for February. If your small group, book club, prayer group or women's ministry welcomes guests from time to time, think of me for March! Topics include
Women, Identity and Calling
;
Guided Journey to Write Your Story & Discover Your Calling
and
My Story of Burning Out and Finding My Way Again.
One more thing . . .
I'm looking for a few girlfriends to hang out with at Dede Lomenick's
Unleashed Conference
on February 21 and February 22.
Masterpiece Women
will have a booth and my friend Tina Rains will be a panel speaker.
Email me
if you'd like to be there with us!
As always . . .
