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Perhaps you have found yourself saying to a class, “Okay, friends! It’s time to clean up.” The ways in which we define our relationships in a learning community help set the tone for regular interactions in childhood settings. According to an article by Becky L. DelVecchio in Young Children, educators and other adults should indicate and appreciate the differences between friendship and kindness, while helping children make distinctions between the two words. “Not all children must be friends with one another,” says DelVecchio. “All children should be kind to one another.”
Friendships among Pre-K children often demonstrate positive attitudes and transitions to school, as well as social and emotional competency. However, they may have a vastly skewed understanding of what friendship means in comparison to the understanding of adults. Often, children think of friendship as “liking;” whether it is a liking of their peers or shared activities, they often equate their enjoyment with friendship. Adults understand that friendships are always changing. For children, friendships may change throughout a day, or even throughout an activity. This makes them difficult to define. For children, friendship can be more about having similar interests and thoughts, and less about having warm feelings toward peers. According to the article, with time, friendships become more about loyalty and having someone with whom you can confide.
The idea of kindness-and how it can be implemented in the classroom-may feel easier for children than the concept of friendship. “I would describe kindness as ‘things you can do that help or are nice,’ such as kind words or gestures,” says DelVecchio. The article offers strategies to support friendship and kindness in daily activities, such as how children can greet each other in the morning or how they might behave at snack time. Using specific language and instruction can help develop knowledge of kindness and friendship.
It is important to consider how children contribute to their classroom environment. There are many cultural and individual variations that occur within the classroom community. DelVecchio offers an example in which it wouldn’t make sense to have a child divide Play-Doh for a number of children, as it would not be developmentally appropriate. Instead, an educator could demonstrate kindness by handing the child a lump of pre-divided Play-Doh and have them distribute it to classmates.
Some types of praise directly promote kindness and friendship. It should be specific to both the behavior and the child. For example, an educator might say, “I noticed you helped Scott clean up the water.” Empty phrases, such as “Good job!” are not helpful. “Children are constantly seeking adult cues and encouragement about their behaviors,” says the author. “Providing them with effective praise helps them know exactly what behavior is being addressed and valued.” Educators should acknowledge these behaviors with appropriate praise quickly after they occur for the highest efficacy.
Children in classrooms are not all friends. Teaching them about the differences between friendship and kindness helps children decide which qualities they would like to have in their friends. Educators can “help children contemplate what friendship feels like, identify possible friends, and think through how they will build these very important relationships.”
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