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Ann Landers, who published her weekly advice column from 1955 to 2002 listed this as one of her top ten most requested columns – republishing it seven times in her long career.
Dear Ann:
Let this letter be a wake-up call to all sons, daughters, and grandchildren. The message I want to convey is this: YOUR INHERITANCE IS NOT AUTOMATIC. IT’S A GIFT.
I am an estate planner. Over the last several years, I have seen many clients change their wills, bypassing children and grandchildren, and leave their money to friends, charities, and people they once worked with who were kind and helpful.
There are many reasons for changing a will, but the two most common are disrespect and isolation. In some families, the only time the old folks see the grandchildren is when their parents need a favor–usually, it’s money. So, the message the old folks wish to convey is as follows: “You didn’t make time for me when I was lonely and would have enjoyed your company, so why should I leave you the money I worked for all my life?”
Wake up out there. An inheritance isn’t something that is owed to you. It is a gift of love. When there is no love, there should be no gift.
— Manasota, Fla.
We like to say that your “family” are those you love and who love you. The rest are your relatives. Or, put another way, it’s not who you’re related to, it’s who you relate to.
For those who have children, the inheritance is usually left to the children in equal shares. However, there is no legal requirement to do so. One of the first concepts we learned in estate planning is that “there is nothing so unequal as the equal treatment of unequals.” Are some considerably better off than others? Has one been more attentive, more caring, gone out of their way for you? Where distributions will be unequal, we often suggest leaving a letter, to be opened after your death, explaining the reasons for your decision. A discussion with an experienced estate planning attorney will often provide ideas and options that you may not have thought of.
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