Member Columnist — Kim Scott, LMFT

When Only One Partner Comes to Therapy:
Supporting Individual Clients with Relationship Concerns

It’s not uncommon for a client to come into therapy feeling discouraged, disconnected, or even heartbroken about their relationship. As clinicians, one of our first impulses may be to ask, “Have you considered couple’s therapy?” Often, the response is some version of: “I would love that—but my partner won’t go.”

There are many reasons why a client’s partner might be hesitant to engage in therapy. Perhaps they don’t see the problem as urgent, have doubts about whether therapy will help, or have had a negative experience in the past. Whatever the reason, it's understandable—and it doesn't have to be a roadblock to doing meaningful relational work.

In these situations, it can be incredibly powerful to remind our clients that positive change in a relationship doesn’t always require both people in the therapy room. When one partner begins to examine their own patterns, take ownership of their role in the dynamic, and intentionally shift their responses, the relationship itself often begins to change. While it’s ideal to have both partners engaged, there is still so much that can be accomplished individually. And sometimes, those very changes can serve as a quiet invitation—one that opens the door for the other partner to consider joining the process later on.

I often explain to clients that working on a relationship solo may sound counterintuitive—but it’s not. Relationships are dynamic systems, much like a teeter-totter. When one side moves, the other naturally adjusts. This isn’t about manipulation or pushing someone to change. It’s about shifting the system by doing our own internal work—and trusting that the shifts we make will inevitably impact the relational dance.

Even with only one person in the room, we can explore the ways our client’s behavior affects their partner and vice versa. For instance, a client might express frustration when their partner comes home late, or experience intense anxiety when their partner withdraws during conflict. By unpacking these reactions, we may uncover early attachment wounds or unresolved childhood experiences that are being reactivated in the present. As therapists, we can help our clients develop insight into these patterns, learn how to communicate them with clarity and compassion, and explore what they truly need in those moments of disconnection.

This approach goes by many names—Individual Relationship Therapy (IRT), Individual Marital Therapy (IMT), Individual Relationship Counseling (IRC), or Individual Therapy for Couple’s Problems (ITCP)—but the essence remains the same: we are helping our client become a change agent in their relationship, even if their partner never steps foot into our office.

Importantly, this work is not about diagnosing or pathologizing the absent partner. It’s not about blame. It’s about understanding how two people may be triggering each other’s vulnerabilities—and how one partner can take steps toward healing, regulating, and relating more intentionally.

We might help clients reflect on their family-of-origin dynamics and how early patterns are repeating in current relationships. We can introduce psychoeducation around attachment styles, communication cycles, and emotional regulation. Clients may begin to see how they and their partner complement and challenge one another, and how those challenges can actually become opportunities for growth.

In the process, clients gain real-life skills they can apply outside of session—skills like softening defensiveness, practicing active listening, repairing after conflict, and expressing needs more clearly. Over time, they may become more grounded, more self-aware, and more relationally capable—regardless of how their partner responds.

While the idea of leaving the relationship may surface—and sometimes that is the right path—it’s also worth exploring how the relationship itself might be a mirror for healing. Many clients find they’re drawn to partners who stir up familiar emotional terrain. If we can help them navigate those challenges consciously, the relationship can become a space for profound transformation, not just repetition.

And if the relationship does end, our client leaves with a deeper understanding of themselves and a stronger foundation for healthier future connections.

So, even if your client’s partner isn’t ready or willing to join the process, we can still do deeply meaningful work. Relationship therapy for one isn’t a consolation prize—it’s an empowering path toward change. And as I often tell my clients, the relational growth they gain in this process is theirs to keep, no matter what.

Kim Scott, LMFT (MFT21184) is a licensed marriage, family and child therapist who practices in Granada Hills.  For more articles by Ms. Scott follow her on Substack at @therapeuticmusings or visit her website www.kimscottmft.com. Ms. Scott can be reached at 818-309-7780 or kimscottmft@gmail.com.