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In a backlash against the #MeToo movement and multiple accusations of sexual assault against various high profile men, the hashtag #HimToo appeared. This tag was originally started by a mother worried that her son would be falsely accused of rape, thus echoing Donald Trump’s sentiment, “It’s a very scary time for young men in America.” It is scary, but not for the reason the creators and supporters of #HimToo would have you believe.
It is scary because men are more likely to be raped than be falsely accused of rape. Estimates from the U.S. Department of Justice and from the Centers for Disease Control (2005) report that 1 out of 6 men experience sexual abuse in their lifetime. Of the sexual assaults that are reported by both men and women, only 2-8% are “found” to be false. Inconsistent reporting policies and protocols likely inflate the range, leading researchers to believe the false report rate is 2%. This is the same as the percentage for all other felonies.
The participants in #HimToo are worried about their sons, brothers, fathers, and friends being accused of sexual assault, when they should really be worried about them actually being assaulted. This is scary enough.
But it is also scary for men to come forward and tell their #MeToo stories in the hope that they will be believed. Our culture creates harmful expectations that men should be sexually aggressive and dominant, that they are constantly seeking and ready for sex, and that they are always strong and in control. Identifying as a survivor of a sexual assault contradicts these deeply ingrained societal narratives about men and masculinity, making many survivors feel emasculated and not like “real men.” Therefore, many choose not to report. Additionally, sexual assault is also often viewed as a “women’s issue,” further ostracizing male survivors. All of these barriers contribute to the fear that keeps many people from reporting: no one will believe me. Sadly, this fear is confirmed too often as we see accusations play out in the media and in our own communities. A survivor must find the courage not only to report but also to withstand the backlash of accusations in return.
One goal of Project SAGE is to educate youth about these gender roles and stereotypes. Exploring the expectations we have about men and women helps young people understand the attitudes and beliefs that normalize a culture where harassment and assault are widespread and where people often choose not to report. This also allows the space for a conversation about how we shift our culture into one where people are empowered to set their own boundaries and respect those of others. Our work helps to create a culture where victims of sexual violence and intimate partner violence are believed. Here at Project SAGE, we believe all survivors, no matter how they identify. We will listen when others won’t, and we provide the support and resources necessary to help people be safer, heal, grow, and feel empowered to make their own choices about their lives.
We do this work because real sexual assaults ruin more lives, of both men and women, than do false accusations. The numbers show us that we should be more worried about the men in our lives being victims than being falsely accused, and we should all be inclined to believe survivors when they tell their stories because 98% of the time they are telling the truth.
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