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I dithered for a few days, then gathered my courage, swallowed my bile, loaded a few cat carriers into the truck, and went to talk to the owner of the factory farm up the road. Reflecting that our road was named after his family, I wondered if his forbears owned my neighbors' ancestors. Twice I reached his driveway only to drive past, heart pounding. On the third try, I took a deep breath and jerked the steering wheel into a turn.
I drove down the dirt driveway and waited, staring at the chicken sheds ahead of me, until the farm owner stepped out onto his porch. I got out of my pickup, greeted the labrador retriever who ran up to meet me, greeted the farmer, identified myself as a new neighbor, and stated my dilemma. I chose my words carefully, not wanting to misrepresent myself but also not wanting to betray my feelings about the birds or the industry. "I have a small backyard flock of broilers and I've got too many roosters. They're gonna hurt those hens if I don't get some more females in there." The farmer nodded knowingly. "So, I need to find somebody to sell me just a few hens to even things out."
The farmer asked questions until he felt satisfied that I really was who I purported to be, and then said that he couldn't help because he was on the Tyson "Big Chicken" program and all he had were four-week-old male "roasters." Then he thought for a few moments. After what felt to me like a very long pause, he told me that another farmer had sent off his "shipment" of hens that day starting at one o'clock. By now, he reckoned, the birds who had escaped the chicken catchers would be running around free and the farmer probably would be glad to let me have them if I could catch them. He directed me to the farm and I was anxious to go, but we had to talk about the previous night's rain for a while before I burned rubber to see if I could save those chickens.
The farm to which I had been directed encompasses a few fields, a compound of industrial outbuildings holding tens of thousands of chickens each, and a charming old farmhouse. I drove up the long dirt driveway to see a family playing baseball under the trees. Again, I parked and waited. Eventually, a young man ambled over, dangling a baseball bat in one hand. Mild-mannered and genial, he identified himself as nephew to the owner of the farm and co-manager of its chicken operations. Again, I gave my spiel.
"So, you need hens? That's number five." The pleasant young man led me along a path between the buildings. It was hot and dusty. I could sense, but neither hear nor see, tens of thousands of birds on either side of me. It felt as if the barometer had risen suddenly, rapidly increasing the pressure inside my head. The sun beat down incessantly. The nice young man chatted heedlessly, explaining something about variances in poundage between the buildings. I fought back nausea.
We arrived at the building from which the birds had just been taken. The friendly young man said that the chicken catchers did leave some birds behind and that he was just getting ready to come in and kill them but would be very glad to let me take them instead. As we walked back to my truck so that I could fetch my carriers, the conversation took a twist. In a confiding tone, the young man told me that he felt sorry for the chickens and hated having to kill the ones left behind. He said that he'd often thought of just keeping them, but then he would get to know them and wouldn't feel comfortable eating them. I mentioned that some people keep chickens that they don't eat, and that got him thinking about eggs. I was surprised to hear myself answering his questions about the age at which hens lay eggs and other aspects of the chicken life cycle.
Functioning as little more than factory hands on their own land, poultry "growers" follow industry directives without learning anything about the birds who live—and often die—on their property. They erect buildings according to industry specifications, install required mechanical equipment, dole out food and water according to industry schedules, dispose of the hundreds of birds who end up dead every week, and then clean up after the catchers hired by the corporation come to haul the birds away. Going back to his baseball game, the neighborly young man told me to feel free to come and get the birds left behind anytime. I thanked him and braced myself for my foray into the shadows of the recently "depopulated" chicken house.
As I stepped into the dirt-floor building, my feet sank deeply into dried chicken excrement that had been ground to dust. The stench of dried urine did battle with the unmistakable scent of terror. Lingering just below those two odors was the smell of death, the source of which was clear as soon as I spotted the dead birds in various stages of decomposition lying in the filth. Dust hung in the air, exacerbating the dimness of a huge building lit only by the sunlight coming in from the open doors at either end. Eyes and nose running, I squinted to find the birds who had been left behind.
The birds I spotted were all either very small or very fast. They careened around the empty space that had once been packed with their peers. Choking and sweating, slipping on the decomposing bodies of the dead chickens and breathing in the dust kicked up by the fleeing birds, I chased after them, provoking further panic and stirring up more of the toxic dust. Because of the deep layer of dried excrement, it was like running in sand. Not knowing that I was there to rescue them, the young hens did everything they could to evade capture and tore at my arms with their beaks and nails when I did get ahold of them. The emptiness of the building made it difficult to corner them. Some ran into the ventilation ducts. Several times, I felt so daunted by the task that I wanted to sit down and cry. I was acutely aware that any bird I could not catch would be killed. This kept me from quitting but also made me increasingly frantic and clumsy.
After more than an hour, I had caught all but one quick little hen who had disappeared into a ventilation tunnel. Reluctantly concluding that she was lost to me, I noticed that one of the birds I had assumed was dead was still breathing. The back half of her body was mangled and partially buried in the litter. She was breathing very shallowly and was clearly near death. I thought she should be euthanized immediately. She seemed to be in a daze and I hesitated to move her, not wanting to awaken her into pain. The only vet willing to see chickens was almost an hour's drive away and might not even consent to see us immediately. Dragging this bird to the vet would probably cause her many more minutes of fear and pain than leaving her for the farmer to kill quickly when he came in to clean up behind me. For the first time in my life, I wished that I knew how to kill. Feeling both helpless and guilty, I mumbled something in between an apology and a prayer and left her behind, hoping that the young man who had expressed sympathy for the birds would dispatch her mercifully.
Miriam had come home while I was out. I left my ruined shoes at the threshold and stepped into the living room. She looked up inquisitively, not knowing where I had been.
"I'll never be the same person again." I couldn't say more. Gesturing mutely, I led her outside to the truck stacked with makeshift cages and cat carriers filled with hens. I stuttered out a few words of explanation as Miriam helped me release the new hens into the yard, but every syllable seemed inadequate and beside the point.
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