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"Your writing brought tears to my eyes. Yes, time heals, but never completely. The hole in the heart will probably not be like a volcano, but still a hole that will not be filled. Grieving is personal, we all do it differently and on our own pace. The memories will comfort you and yes, make you smile again. I'm sorry for your loss."
~ Imelda L in Maryland
"Thank you for your heartfelt, transparent and REAL article. I never really thought about the accumulation of all forms of loss and that impact. I cannot imagine your pain and I am sure the loss of wonderful Paula is unbearable. I am thinking of you and praying for you during this very difficult time in your life."
~ Sending hugs, Cindy V. H. in Maryland
"I hope pouring your heart out helped you feel a teensy weensy bit better. They say that 'shared pain is half the pain' - I agree with that! I loved your dream about Paula saying, 'I see everything you do.' What a gift!!!"
~ Kelly in Maryland
"Oh, this one hit hard. I am watching changes in my parents and I do not know how I will handle the grief yet to come. It is such a weird time for so many. I agree that having faith is reassuring. They are with us always and we will all be together again.
Even though we dwell on things, how can we not?!? We are human and long for the blessed normalcy we enjoyed with our parents and siblings. We are so blessed!!! And that makes it all the harder to know the loss. And no matter how you feel, you are ENTITLED to feel all of it for as long as you need to. It’s YOUR heart. And it’s a big one with some big holes because that’s what loss does.
Take in that big, beautiful ocean in Florida and rest if you can. I think the ocean is a good metaphor for grief. It drowns us, surprises us, knocks us down, and while it can be peaceful and less painful at times, it’s still there ... being so big."
~ Gwen in Maryland
"Dearest Fellow Libra, I have not lost (never had) a sibling but I feel your other areas of grief acutely! I pray and wish for you ... love, light, comfort, peace, and glimmers of joy on this journey. Remember to practice gratitude (I know you know this!). It does help me through day-to-day processes. Ken’s head will grow back like a lizard’s tail."
~ In His Grace, Angelina xo
"This really says it all. So hard for many to understand the depth of sadness and what it changes in each of us. I appreciate my loved ones more each day and thank God for my blessings. It’s taken me a few years since my husband Jerry’s death to get to this point. Thank you."
~ Judy R in Ohio
"You never get over the loss of a sibling. I miss my brother, Albert, all the time, but especially on holidays and special occasions when I have the family over."
~ Mary B in Maryland
"Awesome edition! And Good Grief by Dan Levy is a well-done must-see on Netflix."
~ Dayle K in Maryland
"Loved this issue. Hits very close to home."
~ Michele S in Maryland
"I truly enjoyed 'good grief' although I am sad you are grieving."
~ Kathy H in Maryland
"Good grief! Thank goodness. I thought I was navigating this thing called change all by myself. Love this!"
~ Michele O in Maryland
"I loved every word and very true! I miss my husband Tom and I swear he is with me every day. I bet he is laughing at all the jobs he did which I do now - not as good - but I like doing them. Treasure the dream you had because they do come true!"
~ Debbie S in Maryland
"Well written, as always. Had a tear in my eye at the end. So true everything you said. It's a process. I feel it's learning how to live without them."
~ Jackie V in Maryland
"How I relate to all of this! Grief has hit me in waves - nine years later, I can have a grief spasm if I smell a cigar and think of my dad. Or, repeat my mom's advice. It is always there but certain things bring it full force: holidays and meals are especially hard.
I relate to the loss of the life I had when my kids were young: family life, vacations, cousins. It keeps changing and it's hard to keep up ... I don't know how to adjust sometimes.
Thank God for faith - you are right - I have no idea how people deal with loss without it. I know that God is with me and sees my pain. I also know that total surrender is the only way to peace. It's His will, not mine.
Be kind to yourself, the anger has a purpose and it drives you to deal with all of it."
~ Cathy C in Maryland
"Extra prayers to heal your broken heart. We just need to do God's will. I still grieve my husband who died from lung cancer 62 years ago, plus a sister and family."
~ Nancy M in Maryland
"I am so sorry you are suffering - and yet you have the courage to share your pain with us. Only someone who has lost a loved one, knows what it is like to feel that loss. I am blessed I haven't lost a sibling, but I have experienced the loss of a spouse - losing someone you loved so much hurts, no matter the relationship. I also think down the road, the loss and pain make us more sensitive to others and their losses. Suddenly, the platitudes such as 'It was God's will' or 'It was the person's time' make you want to scream.
NO. This isn't what we planned, it isn't time for me to let go! When my husband died, I kept thinking it wasn't supposed to be this way. I am guessing that thought crosses your mind, too.
Don't be hard on yourself for being cranky - you have to work it out your way. Be mad as long as you need to! Eventually you may be less mad - or at least feel better able to deal with it. Thank you for sharing - I always get some message from your writing.
And I totally get the daughter that lives far away - mine, too!"
~ God Bless, Karen R in Maryland
"Really nice article and I love the title. So many of your comments hit close to home. Hugs that you continue to heal and experience more of the good grief vs. grief. Lord knows it’s a process."
~ Jean Irene in Maryland
"Another wonderful SNIPPETS. Thanks for sharing your pain and struggle. No one's journey through grief is the same. There are ebbs and flows and the most important thing is to travel that road as you need to. It is good to be open to support, but at times only we, individually, can walk that path of loss and pain. May the road be easier over time and may memories and the spirit of your sister, your Mother, and other dear departed friends provide you comfort - and even laughter and joy - when the time is right."
~ Sandy in Maryland
"Unfortunately I, too, have lost siblings ... two! My brother, John, passed away after a short cancer battle shy of his 50th birthday. My oldest sister, Mary Emma, passed away after more ailments than one person should ever have to endure at 74 years old. My husband Paul lost his brother, Michael; he fell off a roof two days after his 41st birthday - the same day our oldest daughter was born.
Loved the 'good to giggle ... I literally burst out laughing. The other day my daughter said her husband was napping because he had caught her cold. I told her he had a 'man cold' and needed plenty of rest ... and to get used to it."
~ Catherine in Maryland
"I'm so sorry you are having such a difficult time with everything. Death can do horrible things to us as we pass through grief. I am crying for - and with - you. I have lost so many of my loved ones - I still grieve them. My dad died when my first baby was 6 weeks old. Separately, my mother-in-law and sister-in-law died on the same day. I lost my mom in 2001 and I am nowhere close to 'being over it.' I feel her with me every day and even had a 'waking dream' where she told me she was OK and with my dad.
You are not alone. You will never 'get over' the loss. In time you will learn to live with the pain most of the time, but your heart will burst open every now and then. Those you love are with you now always and you can keep them alive ... it becomes a bit easier by talking about them, remembering the good and the bad, having a few laughs over the great times. You will still cry but they will, at times, be happiness because they were and are a part of you.
P.S. You need to change your 'email me - I don't bite' since you admitted you bit off Ken's head." :-D
~ Karan A in Maryland
"We need to focus on seeing our family and spending time with them. I realize the older I get that is what matters."
~ Maria H in Maryland
"Death has 'shadowed' me for many decades. We sort of expect to lose our beloved parents, but when I did, I had my brother at my side. I was devastated at the loss of a child. Like many parents, we were so consumed by our own grief, there was little to share with each other. Again, my big brother was at my side. When my husband passed, I couldn't believe the sun had the nerve to shine. I was lost, but my brother was there to pick me up. The universe dealt me a sucker punch when my brother died from cancer. Yes, there were family and friends, but the one person I had depended on all my life was gone. Losing your only sibling really stinks. Death stinks. Feel free to change to a more appropriate adjective, people."
~ Pat B.W. in Pennsylvania
"Please do not feel there is a time limit on your grieving. When I took my first bereavement course, I learned that we grieve LOTS of things and people ... not only those who have died. Which, of course, your grieving for your sister is complicated by your non-death related losses. I can identify with most of them - the kids who live in Ohio and California, while we are in New York. The friends who have passed - my sushi buddy!! The job changes when you get laid off, thereby losing contact with people who have become so important to you on a daily basis.
Allow yourself to be cranky, have a pity pot day, because I know as you allow yourself the time you need, those cranky days will occur less often. There is NO ORDER to those 'stages' of grief. It has been over 20 years since we lost my father and I still CANNOT sing On Angels' Wings at Mass without silently crying. ALLOW yourself as much TIME AS YOU NEED."
~ joanne in new york
"Thanks for this message. I’m right there with you sweetie. I haven’t been my best self either [Cathy just lost her sister, too]. I came across this [black box below] and thought I would share it. I really have been trying to work through my issues in this new year but it’s a slow process."
~ Cathy S in Maryland
"Grief does not have a timeline. Don’t let anyone tell you it does. There are things that, as you move forward, will bring it full circle. One thing I have learned is to hold close to my heart the few that remain. I am the only one left of my original five. Take each day as it comes. Look for messages from those that are gone. Give yourself a break - Paula has not been gone long. Hold your other siblings a little longer in a hug when you are together.
I know you, Danny, and Pamela are close. What a treasure. My best friend (my support) died in May 2021. We had such a strong bond. We had a thing about white doves and the biblical meaning it represents. A week after she died a white dove flew on my dock and sat on the ledge from 7 pm to 7 am.
There are signs everywhere. I know you are open to them. As time goes on the signs get stronger. Prayers for you. I know how deeply you carry people and how sensitive you are to your surroundings. Give yourself permission to feel and not restrict yourself to what others tell you. The passage below [tan box] is something I take to ..."
~ Cyndi C in Maryland
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