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You're in the car heading out to a party, dinner with friends, someone's house, an event, etc. You're bickering over STOOOPID inconsequential stuff, probably about how poorly your spouse is driving ... or about the Road Rage ... or that one of you took too long getting ready and now you're behind schedule ... or maybe that you
would not have taken that route, but this one.
Perhaps you got totally miffed as your husband hits the brake too hard while you're trying to apply hot pink lipstick which is now marked on your teeth.
You are both on the other's last nerve, you're irritated, you dislike each other, ready to file for divorce, and you just want to open the door and jump out on the highway.
Can't park the car fast enough to open the doors, escape the negativity, and run inside to embrace your fun friends.
OH! What's this? Suddenly you are both smiling? It's time to TURN IT ON ... and put on a happy face. There seems to be a grandiose transformation into Mr. & Mrs. Happy Couple since it'd be unacceptable to enter the party as Mr. & Mrs. Crabby. You walk in like the lovebirds you are - possibly even holding hands - and forget all about those two deranged car squabblers in the vehicle.
Sound familiar? Raise your hand if you've ever experienced a similar scene.
Why do we, snippeteers? Why do we put on our best faces for others instead of the ones we're closest to, the ones we live with, the spouses in our cars??? Doesn't it feel a tad phony to play Cheery Couple when we just tussled for the past 11 miles? (Oh, if people only knew what had transpired behind the wheel.)
Isn't it kind of messed up to save our happy faces for our friends and extended families ... don't our spouses also deserve the happy parts of us?
It's a shame we tend to give away the best versions of ourselves to the public, and store up our crankiness and irritability for the people at home.
Best face forward - who should get it? And what would it take to reverse the habit?
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For starters, what if we just SHUT UP? (That would help tremendously.) These are our mouths - we control them. Tame the tongue.
- What if we did not engage in the bickering when the other person starts?
- What if we were not the 'button pusher' ourselves?
- What if we accepted our spouse's driving habits and respect the route s/he wants to take instead of allowing it to be a "trigger" for a bickering session? (or whatever the triggers are in your relationship)
- What if we just got into the car HAPPY and CALM in the first place and kept that disposition - no matter what street you're on?
Snippeteers, the car bickering is only an EXAMPLE. There are other situations you may be thinking about, too, as we deal constantly with other humans in our space.
Breaking our poor relationship / communication habits can be challenging, yet with determination and commitment, it is entirely possible to reverse them. We have the power to identify a 'button' ... a 'trigger' ... and even know when "a big mouth" will turn the situation intro trouble. We have control of when to replace our standard reactions with healthier words.
It is impossible to argue if our mouths are closed.
Each step we take towards breaking a habit - such as always experiencing a car argument each time you two go out - is a step towards a better version of ourselves.
[Click video to hear the song,
Put on a Happy Face, by Dick Van Dyke]
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